We are all familiar with bullying in school. Bullying takes place in every school, on average, one in ten students is bullied at least once a week, and one in three has experienced bullying as either a bully or a target during the average school term. The children most likely to experience bullying are in fifth, sixth and seventh grades.

There are three types of bullying, physical (hitting, kicking or taking things); verbal (name-calling, taunting, insulting); or emotional (shunning, spreading nasty gossip). It is deliberate and hurtful behavior, usually repeated over a period of time. Bullying is almost always done to kids who are perceived to be more vulnerable than the bullies.

The fear of being harassed in school gets in the way of learning, and makes going to school a miserable experience. Being bullied can make children feel lonely, unhappy and unsafe. Children who are being bullied may develop stress, nightmares, nervousness, anxiety and worse.

A commonly reported reason for bullying is overweight. Today's society has a prejudice against fat people. In most cases, even if they start a weight loss program and lose weight, it may make no difference. No matter how much weight a child lost, it's probably not going to make much difference to whether a bully picks on them or not. They will stay the fat kid as long as they stay in the same school.

With bullying of children, being "fat" is one of the most common reasons for a child to be picked on. However, the reason (being overweight) is plausibly deceptive excuse for the bully to indulge in some gratuitous violence. As children reach teenage years, they are particularly sensitive to the criticisms of others. Some teenagers, especially girls, if taunted about being overweight (and by inference ugly and unlovable), even if they are already slim - may develop an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia.

In 1998, Kelloggs ran an advertisement suggesting that if a child was being bullied because they were fat, then losing weight by eating cornflakes might cure the problem. After many complaints, the Advertising Standards Authority ruled that the advertisement was in bad taste. Kelloggs accepted the decision and criticism and withdrew the ads.

The Kelloggs campaign reveals a larger problem. What leads children to see overweight people in a negative way? One research suggests that by the time children reach school age, they become 'sensitised' to obesity, and associate it with a number of negative characteristics, such as 'laziness' and 'sloppiness'. It also refers to reports which suggest that at ages 10-11, children show signs of discriminating against obese peers when it comes to choosing friends, with overweight children being ranked lowest among those whom they would like to be friends with.

Laura's letter

A 13-year-old girl who died after an apparent suicide pact with a friend, wrote a letter in the months before she took an overdose in which she described how school bullies had made her feel "ugly and worthless".

The girl's, Laura Rhodes, parents released the letter after her funeral in hope that it would help other bullied youngsters. Michael Rhodes and his wife Yvonne found the hand-written letter while gathering Laura's belongings after her death. Laura, was encouraged to write about her bullying experiences by trained counselors after she was taken out of her comprehensive school by her concerned parents.

Mr Rhodes, 56, said: "The reason we want people to read Laura's story is that we want them to understand how demoralized, belittled and helpless a bullied child feels. And added "Laura could never have known that her letter could be used to help another child because she wrote it to exorcise her ghosts following her bad experience. She would never have imagined that anyone other than her family would be interested - we hope they are." Laura's letter describes how her torment started each morning when her mother tried to get her up at 8am for school. It said: "I turned over and hoped I would never wake again." Laura wrote that she was bullied because she was overweight and bigger than other girls in her school year. She also said other pupils asked if she was a lesbian. She said that, every morning, her heart would beat faster and she would feel a "gripping" sensation inside, hating every moment as she watched the seconds tick away until she had to get into the car to go to school.

She described how boys would wait for her in the school, their legs out, waiting to trip her up. "How wonderful," she added. She wanted to cry, but found she could not, and used to talk to herself to try to get through each day. Laura wrote that she had told her parents about the bullying, but she said they had thought she just did not like going to school. She also said she had wanted to kill herself earlier to end her bullying.

Another girl, named Emma, wrote an open letter to a news website about her bullying, fortunately her story did not end in death. She writes "I moved down to Sheffield (England) in June. I started school and I got on with a few lasses and we were really good friends. Then a few lads started calling me names then my friends joined in and everyone started saying it. Then they started passing notes around class, telling me I didn't belong in their school and telling me I smelt. And they said I needed to lose weight to fit through the doors. Then one day when we were getting changed ready for PE everyone ran out of the changing room holding their noses saying they couldn't get changed while I was in there because I smelt that bad. I felt right upset but most of all I felt angry. Another time I was going to my lesson and they asked what I thought I was doing going to my lesson and tripped me up on the stairs. When this starting happening I changed a lot and I became distressed. Before, I was lively with everyone but now I sit in a corner feeling low and unhappy. I spoke to mum and she spoke to the head teacher but it didn't get any better so now I've stopped going to school. Mum's trying to get me a home tutor now but I have to go and see the doctor first. They should have stronger rules against bullying in schools. I've got behind with all my work because I've not been able to concentrate. Schools should give bullied kids extra help so they don't get behind. My advice to anyone being bullied is to come forward and get it stopped before it gets too bad. Although I talked to my mum but I also talked to my friend at a different school. She knows me better than my mum and I could tell her everything about how I feel."

What should you do?

When your child (boy or girl) shows signs of distress about his school or complains about the treatment he gets at school, you shouldn't take it lightly. He may try to avoid school for other reasons but there may be room for concern. It would be a good time to teach him a successful philosophy for coping with the slings and arrows of life. Your actions can spell the difference between a positive character development and a negative self-image that sticks for life.

Make it clear that you accept your child's reports of what is happening and that you take them seriously. He needs to know he has someone on his side who is willing to help. You are probably still his all-can-do hero. Reassure him that this situation can be resolved. At the same time, let him know that you do not think this is his fault. His confidence has already taken a big hit, and he most likely feels like a victim.

Talk to your child about the definition of friendship. Let him know that a true friend will value him regardless of his performance, looks or weight. Ask him to separate real friends from bullies. Show him how to direct his attention to his successes and nurture an attitude of self-respect and acceptance.

Ask your child how he has been dealing with the bullying, talk about what else can be done and discuss what actions you can both take to solve the problem. Teach him how to respond to a bully in a bold, assertive way. You can practice with him at home by role playing. Make sure your child knows it is okay to ask for help from a teacher or other adult.

Determine if your child has healthy friendships with other children. If not, perhaps he can benefit by developing better social skills. Encourage him to invite friends over to your home and participate in school activities.

Participation in other activities builds confidence and develops social skills. A good choice would be martial arts such as Judo, or some other form of physical discipline. It can help him develop self-esteem and a healthy attitude toward adversity. Teach him the power of believing in himself, despite negativity from others. He can begin to develop a positive inner voice to combat outer insults.

Teach him how to approach adversity by talking about your own experiences as a child and what you learned. Help him to "fight back" by refusing to allow others to take his accomplishments and successes from him. Point out, that children often respond in this way because they are jealous of his success: Insults temporarily make them feel powerful. Let him know that when children (and adults) bully, they are compensating for their own feelings of inadequacy. Demonstrate to him how believing in his own capabilities and qualities will shield him from inappropriate insults and earn respect from his peers regardless of the bully.

The existence of societies disapproval of obesity makes it very important to offer overweight children and teenagers support and encouragement to bolster their self-confidence and self-image.

It's important to remember, while bullying seem like a normal part of growing up. It is not. Help your child develop the necessary tools to stick up for himself.